Remembering Her Face By Dr. Mark L. Vincent

We Shape the Face of The Ones We Love

“I grew accustomed to her face.”

– Prof. Henry Higgins

I don’t think people are sentimental about the same things or in the same way. More likely, we are as individually wired for the expression of grief as we are in so many other ways. 

How else do I explain the irrepressible desire I had to take my wife’s battered suitcase on my first trip following her death? Why else would I have carried her even more tattered address book in my backpack for the next couple of years? And why else would I have started to notice lines on people’s faces? I’ve not yet found another who grieved in precisely this same way.

Creases of Time

We get creases in our skin over time. Lifestyle, environment, and genetics combine to sculpt our visage. Grief made me far more aware of this sculpting. The etchings of a face became the first feature of a person I tend to notice.

I had been profoundly aware of the wear on Lorie’s beautiful face because I’d observed it close up for thirty-three years. Hers was marked by deepening laugh lines and crinkles around the eyes that I often kissed. I no longer had her face to look at as each day ended, nor could I see her joy, love, and calm reflected in those lines. There was nothing to look at, no beloved creases to kiss, and so I began seeking reminders of my beloved in other faces. But there were so many worry lines, so much angry pursing of lips, so many concern creases just above the nose or between the eyebrows, and so many cheeks distorted from so much grimacing. I couldn’t find echoes of her.

Being A Source of Joy

I want to think I was a reason for Lorie’s joy. I want to believe my cherishing of her was a source of her abundant laughter and the unending light in her eyes. But all of that happened before she knew me. My contribution to her face was that I supported her and did not reduce the fruit of her abundant spirit.

I am confident that our bodies, our faces, and our eyes become a display of our life stories. And as leaders, we shape face-etching work environments that are part of the life stories of colleagues and customers—those now and those to come.

“Love wisdom like a sister; make insight a beloved member of your family.” 

Proverbs 7:4

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Dr. Mark L. Vincent is the Founder of Design Group International and the Society for Process Consulting. He hosts the Third Turn Podcast and facilitates Maestro-level leaders. Discover the Maestro-level cohort that is waiting for you! Click the banner below to learn more!

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