What Does it Mean to Lead Yourself? By Dr. Rob McKenna

Thoughts and Ways to Lead Yourself

I’m not sure you can actually lead yourself. I’ve wrestled with that idea for years. Leadership, at its core, is about taking the lead. A leader is the one who steps in when no one else will, who takes action when others hesitate. But great leaders don’t just go first in doing bold or courageous things—they are often the first to listen, the first to practice restraint, the first to provide direction, the first to apologize, and the first to do the hard thing, not only for the sake of their business or organization but for the needs of every person they influence.

Going First

So, if leadership is about going first, what does that mean for leading yourself? It means developing the discipline to take the lead in areas that others may not see. You begin to deepen your convictions while remaining open. It means restraining yourself and your voice when it’s necessary. And that is not easy.

Know Who You Are

At the heart of this struggle is emotional maturity—the ability to have a strong sense of self while also being open to change for the sake of others. It’s the paradox of leadership: knowing who you are, what you believe, and what you stand for while remaining humble enough to recognize that you don’t have it all figured out. Leading yourself isn’t about becoming self-sufficient or self-contained; it’s about becoming self-aware and self-regulated in a way that serves others.

Learn from the Best

The best leaders I know aren’t just leading organizations or teams; they are actively leading themselves by wrestling with their own emotions, biases, and blind spots. Strong leaders practice restraint when it would be easier to react. They listen when they want to speak. They apologize when they make a mistake. And they continue to push forward, not because they have all the answers, but because they are committed to learning and growing for the sake of those around them.

So, can you truly lead yourself? Maybe not in the way we typically think about leadership. However, you can take responsibility for how you present yourself. You can build the emotional strength to hold your convictions and remain open. You can go first in the quiet, unseen ways that ultimately shape the leader you become. And maybe that’s the kind of leadership we need most.

Lead Yourself

If you want to lead yourself well, here are a few places to start:

• Get honest about your blind spots. We all have them. Ask people you trust for their feedback. It might sting, but it’s the only way to grow.
• Practice restraint. Not every thought needs to be spoken. Not every reaction requires action. The ability to pause, breathe, and choose your response is a mark of maturity.
• Clarify your convictions. What do you stand for? What values drive your decisions? If you’re unsure, take the time to figure it out.
• Stay open to change. Having strong convictions doesn’t mean you stop learning; it means you continue to learn. Be willing to adjust when new information, perspectives, or experiences challenge your assumptions.
• Own your mistakes. Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of leadership. Take responsibility and model what it looks like to grow from failure.
• Take care of yourself. Emotional maturity isn’t just about thinking the right way—it’s about taking care of your mind, body, and spirit so you can lead from a place of health.

You don’t have to master all of this at once. But you can start. Pick one. Try it. See what happens. Because the way you lead yourself will shape the way you lead others.

Dr. Rob McKenna is the CEO and Founder of WiLD Leaders, Inc.  Named one of the top 30 I-O Psychologists alive today, Dr. McKenna is passionate about developing whole leaders, increasing performance and well-being, and creating whole and sustaining trust.

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