When Different Becomes Dangerous By Andrea Leigh Capuyan

A Different Journey from Comparison to Calling

“Different.” It’s a word that ministry leaders often wear like a badge of honor. We take pride in our distinctive mission and innovative approaches. And while God does call each ministry to a specific purpose, I learned that pursuing “different” can become a dangerous obsession. What began as a healthy desire to follow God’s unique plan for our organization slowly morphed into something that nearly derailed our effectiveness. The very thing I thought was our greatest strength—our differentiation—had become my blind spot.

Different as a Blindspot

Years ago, I would often find myself describing our ministry as different. I led the team to embrace new ways of thinking and operating. We adopted a more collaborative and values-based approach to decision-making. This approach created a more profound sense of connection and unity among us, as well as a strong sense of organizational identity. Choosing this new path and differentiation created an unexpected by-product. It became a blind spot for me, one that required another leader’s insight to help me course-correct. From her, I learned about the danger of seeking to be “different,” which can either stall or derail the effective stewardship of people and organizations.

Danger in Comparisons

There is a legitimate need for ministries and churches to operate not only according to their mission, but also, each must follow their unique calling from God. Doing so gives meaning, purpose, and direction. Desiring to be unique and different is normal and often emerges from a strong sense of mission and purpose. The danger is comparison. There is an axiom: comparison is the thief of joy. I would add that comparison warps our sense of reality, hijacks our vision… comparison robs us.

Comparison distracts us from our God-given purpose. When we compare ourselves to others, we can lose sight of the fact that God is at work and that He is sovereign. It is not trivial that comparison and distraction can harm joy. Joy is the Spirit’s work in us. Thwarting or hindering the Spirit is no small thing. As leaders, evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives and the lives of our church or ministry is the best metric for evaluating our mission fulfillment. When I listened to another leader’s perspective about the sentiment, “we’re different,” I realized how comparison was stealing from me.

Toxic Outcomes

When the fellow leader offered me feedback, she helped me see how focusing on comparison and difference can erode a healthy mindset, leading to toxic attitudes that belie a sense of inherent worth. She explained that an attitude that begins with a sense of organizational integrity – believing in our unique mission and purpose – can devolve into pride and entitlement. We can move from we are different to we are better than others. I discovered we can also become trapped in thinking we are less than others. This might sound like humility, but it’s arrogance hidden beneath. It is a weird conundrum.

Danger in Being Different

For me, I lost sight of building partnerships with others because our organizations didn’t perfectly align. I didn’t think they had anything to offer us, and we didn’t have anything to provide them. It led me to isolation. I also found that my communication about our mission was coming from a defensive posture. I had to justify our “difference.” Our leadership struggles to thrive when we are torn between two lies of “better than” and “less than”, and our focus is distorted and wrong. We often fall prey to measuring our work against that of others. In reality, it is denying God’s power and ownership of our work. We are meant to steward what God places in our hands, not what He places in the hands of others.

Healthy Confidence

There is a confidence that we need as ministry leaders. A confidence that is multi-faceted. A confidence that fundamentally rests in God. Our ministry, church, or organization is an extension of His work and mission. We act under His authority and power, and we can’t know more than what He’s given us to know. He empowers us, yet we are fallible and finite at the same time.

Who We Trust

 Because of our faith in God, we can trust that our life experiences, gifts, and perspective matter to Him, and they matter in our role in ministry and work. Who we are will impact the trajectory of our church or organization. We will leave an imprint, and as leaders, we become unique trailblazers, guided by our beliefs about God, ourselves, and others. This shapes our personal and organizational calling.

Likewise, everyone who is part of the organization brings strengths and wisdom that enable the ministry to evolve in a unique way. Together, our mission and calling are informed by the insights that are specific to the exact space and time in which God has placed us. God invites us to a journey and an experience unlike any other, centered on our unique relationship with Him and with others. It can’t be duplicated, and it won’t be replicated. It is always in the here and now, as we patiently wait and listen. And the future, “the not yet to be”, requires that we take our next steps trusting in God’s calling. He invited us to labor with Him for the needs of this world, and His invitation stands.

The Distraction Trap

All the distractions and trappings of comparison not only challenged me as a ministry leader, but I also had a wrong view of all my relationships beyond work and ministry. I discovered that I often viewed others through a lens of “less than” and “better than.” Condescension skewed my view, making me avoidant and unapproachable. As I adopted a new mindset about God’s calling for our ministry, I adopted a new perspective on God’s work in my life. It isn’t about measuring up or comparison, it is about resting in the fact that He is always at work in me. His work is new and renewing. That’s exciting and fresh, and uniquely from Him for me. And I can offer others the same excitement and vision for what God is uniquely shaping for them.

Take Inventory

As you reflect on your ministry journey, ask yourself: Where has comparison crept into your leadership? Are you measuring your calling against someone else’s success? Are you trapped in the exhausting cycle of feeling “better than” or “less than” other ministries? God’s invitation to you is unlike any other—it’s specific to you and your relationship with Him. He has a purpose for your distinct gifts and the particular moment in history where He has placed you. It’s not about being different, it’s about being faithful. What would change in your leadership if you fully embraced the truth that God’s work in and through you is incomparably unique, not because you’ve made it different, but because He has made it yours?

Andrea Leigh Capuyan serves on the board of the Center for Steward Leader Studies and is the executive director of the LPC. This local ministry helps individuals impacted by unintended pregnancy, reproductive loss, and post-abortion recovery. She also provides coaching and consultation, assisting others to experience abundance as leaders. Andrea is a Credentialed Christian Nonprofit Leader (CCNL) with the Christian Leadership Alliance and holds a Master of Arts degree in Organizational Leadership from York University.