Who Do You Belong To? By Reggie McNeal

Great Leaders Know Who They Belong To and Why

Great leaders belong. They belong to their families, their friends, their coworkers, their mentors, and their followers. This sense of belonging provides them with both an anchor and a platform for their leadership. It shapes and informs their identity. Their relationships and the quality of the various constituencies of their belonging help to establish their credibility as leaders in a world where leadership is increasingly understood in relational terms.

Leaders do not experience the same level of belonging in the various connections of their lives. Their relationships are not spread equally across these groups. They may even have one or more of these areas that do not reflect substantial connectivity. This is typical. However, all effective leaders are profoundly connected at some level to people who help ground them in a way that grants them security in who they are and nurtures them for their leadership journey.

We Came FROM and Are Destined FOR Community

The central tenet of Christian theology is that God exists in community. Father, Son, and Spirit—God as Community—enjoy a relationship spilling into the created order. The search for belonging is part of what it means for humans to be created in God’s image. We are relational beings at our core. We must belong to others to be fully alive!

People do need each other. Paradoxically, we need others to become ourselves. You help me be me. In another way, we can only come to a proper understanding of who we are in our relationships – with God and with other people.

Chief Categories for Belonging

Here are the most prevalent opportunities and options for establishing a relational web that supports the leader who lives inside their leadership.

Family

For many leaders, their home provides a place of genuine belonging and community. If we all had our way, we would want to experience home as that safe place where we are known and loved the best. This includes our family of origin as well as the home we establish. Unfortunately, this reality is not always possible, and the leader must satisfy the search for belonging in other ways.

Friends

Having friends requires determination because friendships do not develop and flourish without overcoming obstacles. Sometimes, leaders have too little time and energy to cultivate and sustain friendships. Some leaders fear being too vulnerable to others by becoming friends with them, worried that others might discover their shortcomings and failures. Each of these obstacles confronts leaders with some tough decisions. Leaders must set aside time and dedicate energies to creating friends. Leaders must choose to take risks if they want friends in their lives who genuinely know them. Friendship is exacting, but loneliness is more so.

Coworkers

Effective leaders build great teams. People who feel fortunate enough to have worked on one of these universally credit the leader. They think their leader invests in them financially, spiritually, and emotionally, promoting their professional development. The leader’s decision to build a community with his team does not imply that the leader becomes everyone’s best friend. This is not only impossible; it is undesirable. However, aloof leaders create cold workplaces because their emotional distance sets the tone for the rest of the organization.

Mentors

Sometimes, we choose these special people in our lives. Sometimes, they choose us. All exceptional leaders can point to people who tutored them in their formative years or provided direction and wisdom at a time of formidable challenge. The level of intimacy can vary greatly. Sometimes, the mentor is someone the leader gets close to. In other cases, a personal relationship may not even be possible. The mentor may have been dead for centuries but has become a trusted guide through what they have left behind in their writings or in what others have written about them. When it comes to mentors, choose wisely. These people get into our heads. Maybe even our hearts.

Followers

Great leaders belong to their followers. This does not mean their followers own them. It does mean that these leaders feel a profound sense of identification with their followers’ well-being and development. Their destinies are inextricably bound together. The leader puts the interests of their followers above and ahead of their own. They don’t do this on occasion or just during great crises. They do it routinely. These leaders do not consider this practice heroic. It is part of the dynamic of what it means to lead.

Leadership is lonely. But it can be less lonely than many leaders make it.

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Reggie McNeal is a Christian thought leader. For over thirty years, he has dedicated himself to helping everyday people and other leaders pursue more intentional lives. His professional experience is wide-ranging, including serving as a denominational executive, congregational leader, leadership coach, and founding pastor of a new church. He has also lectured and taught as adjunct faculty for multiple seminaries, served as a church ministry consultant, and advised in the business sector.

This is Part Six in the Special Seven-Week Series – Practicing Greatness

1. Self-Awareness and Why It’s Critical
2. Self-Management is Critical to Success
3. Self-Development in Your Ministry Plan
4. What Mission Are You On?
5. Make Better Decisions
6. Who Do You Belong To?

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