The Discipline of Aloneness By Reggie McNeal

Great Leaders Practice Aloneness

Great spiritual leaders experience something far more profound than loneliness. It is aloneness. Aloneness is not a trial that is endured; it is a practice built into the leader’s life.

The Crucible of Wilderness

There is a level of soul-making that occurs only in solitude. The scriptures call this “wilderness” and contain many examples of wilderness experiences that reveal its leadership development dynamic. Moses, David, Elijah, Jesus, and Paul all have significant life-shaping wilderness sojourns.

God still employs the wilderness in the formation of spiritual leaders. These life-changing encounters revolve around the leader’s call or mission, either clarifying it or preparing for a new chapter in the leader’s life and work. They may also revolve around some personal issue or struggle that directly determines the leader’s capacity for fulfilling an assignment.

Wilderness always involves crisis, either of the leader’s or other’s making. It characteristically presents the leader with a decision or set of determinative choices for the leader’s next season of life, perhaps even for a lifetime.

Wilderness can last years or just days and may be marked by an intense personal divine encounter. On the other hand, the wilderness experience might be perceived as excruciatingly trivial and tedious. God may seemingly be absent. This wilderness sometimes does not immediately register with the leader’s awareness. It might be seen only by the leaders looking back over the years. In these instances, the leader often enters the wilderness unaware that it will be preparation for the next stage of life.

Importing Wilderness

Effective spiritual leaders learn to borrow (or import) wilderness into their lives. Not because they are crazy or masochistic. They don’t enjoy the wilderness, especially the extended or intense kind that usually comes with little warning. But they know practicing aloneness is critical to their soul development and leadership. They proactively create opportunities to be alone with God.

These leaders employ several strategies to embrace silence and solitude. Incorporating intentional Sabbath practices into their life routines is one. These practices include times spent with God, debriefing life, and leadership. Others scheduled extended prayer times into their calendars, blocking off hours or days for prolonged, focused communication with God. Fasting is a discipline practiced by many. Journaling is also a favorite tool for leaders to reflect and analyze.

All these practices of aloneness are part of the leader’s continued quest to remain available to God and in constant review of their life and leadership. These leaders draw increased confidence and essential spiritual strength from their deep connection with God, especially in silence and solitude.

Enemies of Aloneness

Practicing aloneness in today’s North American culture requires considerate intentionality. Multiple enemies of this discipline conspire against leaders’ need and determination to build solitude into their lives. Time pressures, genuine and brought on by mismanagement, are at the top of the list. Distraction is another, with desktop and hand-held devices joining forces to interrupt all waking thought.

Two more sinister challenges play out at this stage as well. A leader’s wrong view of God can diminish the desire to hang out with him. If the leader sees God as the never-satisfied Taskmaster or as the Divine Enforcer (or any other image of God informed more by religion than the Bible), spending focused personal time with him is a less-than-thrilling notion.

It’s not just our image of God that can knock the ardor off the idea of spending a long time with him. It is just as damaging to have the image of an unattractive self that stands in the way. Some leaders do not enjoy their own company. They suffer from an incomplete or improper view of themselves, fueled by the enemy of their souls. Sadly, they can’t imagine God wanting to spend his time with them.

Remedies to these soul enemies range from simple better self-management to more challenging excursions involving greater self-awareness and examined beliefs about who God is and what he is like. Leaders can employ people to help in the battle. Leadership coaches, counselors, spiritual directors, trusted family, and friends may all contribute encouragement and support.

But there is One whose voice speaks the truth in love. To the One who gave you life, you are his dream. Let him tell you about it!

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Reggie McNeal is a Christian thought leader. For over thirty years, he has dedicated himself to helping everyday people and other leaders pursue more intentional lives. His professional experience is wide-ranging, including serving as a denominational executive, congregational leader, leadership coach, and founding pastor of a new church. He has also lectured and taught as adjunct faculty for multiple seminaries, served as a church ministry consultant, and advised in the business sector.

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On March 20, 1976, twenty nonprofit Christian Leaders met because they believed they could do more significant Kingdom work if they worked together. During those three days, they shared their best practices so that everyone could benefit from them. For 49 years, over 1,000 Alliance leaders have gathered every year to do the same. We celebrate and honor this commitment and what God is doing through the Alliance globally. We invite you to honor the past, embrace today’s opportunities, and remember how it will shape the future!