The Language and Words We Use By Ed McDowell

The Gift of Language and Words

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will encourage those who hear them.”

Ephesians 4:29 NLT

The Apostle Paul is writing from his imprisonment in Rome to the followers of Christ in Ephesus. He feels so clear about what he is saying that he is begging anyone who reads this to take this seriously: 

“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for God has called you.”

Ephesians 4:1, NLT

Paul continues with guidance on how to lead a worthy life in Christ: 

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”

Ephesians 4:2, NLT

His words continue with a challenge in how we live and work together: 

“Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.”

Ephesians 4:3, NLT

Reflection

As Paul’s guidance continues, we get to this matter of the words we use. He couldn’t be clearer about what to stop doing and what to focus on moving forward:

• Stop using foul and abusive language. Please don’t look to our culture for any help here. Crass, crude, rude, abusive, and toxic have become language norms woven through all of our communication with each other. Media feeds celebrate how we “take each other out” with reckless attacks on character.

Many followers of Christ have come to normalize this in our thinking and speech. This is not what God has called us to speak, text, post, message, or say.

Foul language is quite easy to name. Most of us have a sense of what this is. My parents were clear with me growing up about the specifics of foul language. If I crossed the foul language line, I got my mouth washed out with soap.

Abusive language is more difficult for this reason: Often, good words are weaponized when combined with anger, bitterness, or rage. This is abusive, toxic, and harmful to people.

• Let everything we say be good and helpful: This is the growing focus and purpose of all the words we use as followers of Christ. Paul is giving us an extremely high standard to which we can aspire. With the help of the Holy Spirit and the accountability of good friends, we can grow into this by asking two simple questions:

• Is what I just said helpful?
• Is what I just said good?

Early on in my role as Executive Director of Warm Beach Camp Ministries (nearly 30 years ago now), I would use foul language as a form of humor. At the time, I thought it quite clever to surprise people in a conversation with a “crass word zinger.” Often, it would draw a laugh or two. I look back on that now, recognizing it as reckless and immature on my part.

On my 35^th birthday, we had a staff retreat at The Firs Chalet near the Mt. Baker Ski Area in Washington. The staff gave me a list of 35 things they appreciated about me. It was so good and helpful to me.

The 35^th reason cut to my heart: “and too many other *!#*!#*!#* to list!”   Everyone laughed when it was read. I went to my room, knelt, and asked God to help me with all my words, not just some.

At the following devotional on that retreat, I asked everyone there for forgiveness for my crass language. It wasn’t something to justify, nor something that should be celebrated or elevated in our ministry together.

All of our words are meant to be excellent and helpful. The Holy Spirit will help us with this. Our friends and family can help us if we invite them to.

Encouragement

Something wonderful happens when your words are good and helpful: “Your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

I want to invite you to fill this out with as many people who come to mind when you read it:

When my words are good and helpful, I encourage _______________________ (individual names of people who regularly listen to the words you use).

Prayer

Dear Jesus,

We live in a culture that is reckless and dangerous with its words. They are crass, deceitful, toxic, and abusive. Our culture has normalized this.

As your followers, many have come to justify a faith expressed with foul and abusive language, thinking it is somehow more effective and relevant. This is not what you are asking us to reach for with our words. Please forgive us.

Thank you for Paul’s clear guidance on ensuring that our words are helpful and good. 

Holy Spirit, we need your help with this.

Thank you that good and helpful words bring encouragement to those who hear them.

Please help us choose good and helpful words all the time.

In your name, Jesus, we pray,

Amen

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Ed McDowell is the CEO of Warm Beach Camp Ministries. He also coaches and consults in board leadership and development to bring fresh perspectives to perplexing situations. Ed authorizes a devotional series titled A Well-Planted Faith in an Uprooted Culture. His writing and speaking aim to challenge people to have God’s Word inform how they live. Ed and his wife, Bev, live on Camano Island, Washington, where they live out their mission statement: “To give our lives away for the cause of Jesus Christ to as many people as possible.”

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